The Aftermath of Making Big Decision

Assalammualaikum w.b.t readers,

Have you ever NOT making any decision in one day? Sure not. We use to make decision everyday and every minute. Starting right we jump out of the bed, we will start making decisions; whether to take a shower or not, what should we wear today, what breakfast to eat, heading to work by car or subway and the list is endless until we going back to bed later that night.

However, have you ever make any big decision but it turns out bad? I'm pretty sure most of us sure did. Some might have dated the wrong person, some might have married the wrong spouse, some might have worked in wrong company, some might have studied in wrong School. At first, we thought we had chosen the best solution that will not jeopardise others and change our life but after we took that decision, then we realised we are doomed.

Frankly speaking, yes I had encountered this situation. I made up my mind based on what I felt a right and the best decision to me and to my family. What I did was to turn down my Master offers from University of Kent and University of Aberdeen in International Relation with International Law. My reasons for doing that was because I am not ready to get out of my comfort zone. Going abroad alone is a big challenge for me and it's like eating a slice of chocolate cake every morning to lose weight. Second, I am afraid the sponsorship I received might not enough for the whole semester due to economic recession and low currency of Malaysian Ringgit. Third, I am not a bright student and I do not own an X factor that could impress my Professors. I am not sure whether I don't own it or I owned it but I don't realise it. Fourth, I am not doing it for myself. Before this, I live for somebody else and I fulfil their expectation but doing Master Degree in the UK is not a game which I don't want to gamble.

BUT what happened after I decided not going? First, my mom hates me. Second, my aunty hates me. Third, my mom hates me because my aunty hates me and she is angry with my mom. Fourth, my friends left me because I am a failure. Fifth, all relationships gone. Sixth, I am not at home in my own home. Seventh, my life getting lonelier.  Eighth, I have to work for living. Ninth, I can't focus at my work. Tenth, I am afraid of making any big decision anymore.